What's the Season?

when words just don’t come but you have something to say…surely you’ve been there, my friend.  I’m trying to not bury it, stuff it down or pass it on by this time around.

We’re all going through something, right?  I’m no exception.  I find myself in a tough place.

growing your light...

 Back in my road warrior days I found myself in a different city and most often a different country sometimes on a weekly basis.  I had to jump on any chance that came along to catch a few winks.  I quickly learned the art of sleeping with ear plugs and a eye pillow....religiously.    I would sleep in darkness and silence literally anywhere.  (If only I could resurrect those two luxurious old friends.)

So when it was time to wake up I would allow just a tiny bit of

a dream for your life...a fresh start.

A new year is approaching.  A chance to begin again.  A fresh start.  Will you set a new year’s resolution?  Will you keep it?  I’m not a huge fan of them, myself.  They’re just something we start and never finish; then laugh about it 6 months later as you pass the fitness center eating a donut from the Tipton Bakery.  Just saying.  

Don’t get my wrong…I believe its

What's hiding in your drawers?

I have a secret candy stash.  I used to call it a chocolate stash until recently when I opened a desk drawer to find lolly pops, skittles, gum and sweet tarts.  Halloween candy remnants.  They’re all over…..the shoe closet, lingerie drawer,  office desk, kitchen cupboards, laundry room and even the garage.

There may be a problem here but I can’t give it a thought now.   

laying it all out there...in the pit.

Outside, the sun is shining.  The first snowfall is melting slowly away.  The boys are at school.  Marc is working.  I’ve spent the morning soaking up Bible verses, reading some of Michael J. Fox’s memoir Lucky Man, and researching further this messy business of bipolar depression disorder.   I hate it.  The label, the symptoms, and even the fact that I’m forced to take medication to keep me “level”.  

Truthfully, I miss the high (or manic). 

I got so much done. 

I was more fun. 

I didn’t need sleep and life was certainly more entertaining.  

They say one of the biggest struggles with bipolar folks is continually taking their meds.  I get that.  I would LOVE to get off but last time I ran out of one of my medications for a few days it sent me into a tailspin of sorts.  So, trust me, I get it.    But I wanna scream!!!  I wanna cry for a day and wake up to a better feeling tomorrow.  Bury my head in the proverbial sand.

I certainly DON’T want to open up and share any of this with a soul.  I want to look and feel good and spread joy and hope all the time.  

   

transition, even death ... then gratitude

Newly designed, created and installed curtains hung in the large picture window in the kitchen…reward for skipping last night’s sleep. But dang, it looks good!

               Laundry and cleaning day, kids, errands, repair something, make phone calls….and on and on and on.  This was my life