My LAST 10 minutes!!!

Friday morning.

homemade apple pie. 

in the oven.

the smell is making its way up the stairs to my bedroom.  Tonight's big family BBQ looks like it could get rained out but I'm holding out hope and making pie in faith.

I set the kitchen timer for 10 minutes. This represents the LAST 10 minutes of freedom ....for ....about .....15 months.  I will then pickup my boys from the "bus stop" ... you gotta see the video to experience our bus stop farm style ....

This marks the end of my transition period.

Me.... on a giant dimmer switch

So I read this story today…just now….about a lady who has postpartum depression and wanted to speak out to shed light on Postpartum Depression Awareness Month…(the month of May).  She posted very candid pictures of her good days and her bad days…side by side.  Transparent and vulnerable...love her!

this shot represents how I felt all those years of living
in the dark...in the prison of inexplicable depression

In her story Kathy DiVincenzo says "We need to break the stigma and #EndTheSilence by sharing our stories and letting others know they're not alone.”   Read her compelling story here.   Her talented photographer friend, Danielle Fantis, who took all the pictures, also shared her heart wrenching story.  Read it here. It was her May 3rd post. 

So to Kathy and Danielle I’d like to say…..thank you … so very much with sugar and sprinkles on top for sharing such a moving story and not being ashamed to the point of silence!!!  You inspired me to tell my story.

Soooooo….that leaves us here….you and me…

Before I dive right in to whatever story parts we’re going to discuss in this post you should head over to the blog and read the first depression confessional I posted.  It was my first time EVER stepping out and admitting I had a problem. 

Depression….anxiety….mental illness in general has such a stinky stigma.  So few people ever have the nerve or wherewithal to tell their dark stories.  I have some dark stories my friend.  But it wasn’t like a light switch went off right after I had my first child…it was more like the overhead lighting was on a dimmer switch and it just kept getting darker and darker.  Harder and harder to face life.

another new beginning....seems they are coming at me left and right.

Beginnings.

I love beginnings.  Movies, books, days, vacations, friendships ... ice cream cones.  The only exception could be learning this dang guitar....it's not an easy task, if I might say so.

the beginning of the garage wall mural started with the green grass

This is a new beginning for us.  A totally new, fresh,

a little freak out...no big deal...help!

The rain pours down.  The sky is dark.  The house is quiet.  The kids are at school.  The to-do list is dwindling….that is if you don’t count EVERYTHING I have to do to prepare for this journey ahead.  

I’m curious.  What would you do…if you felt the nudge to leave it all behind and venture into a new realm of the unknown?  Would you take the leap? Would you

Perfectly orchestrated...yet, facing impossibilities

In all honesty, and shockingly so, my life feels pretty. perfectly. orchestrated. at the moment.  Don’t get me wrong there are obstacles.  

Impossible Looking Roadblocks, more like.

However, in all of our imperfect circumstances and stupid insecurities and among all the questioning and doubt, I find myself … grateful in this moment….excited about my future.