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Friday, August 3, 2012

stand tall :: stand strong

Me and Ko after the open house
These words have been ringing in my head like a sounding gong, tonight especially.  I noticed I've have been walking, sitting and even standing terribly ever since I became a mommy.  My boys stand about 4 months shy of their second and fourth birthdays and all this time my body experienced something I'd compare to two rigorous back-to-back biology experiments
...moms you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Their world is a lot lower than mine & I'm often looking down or bending over to interact or communicate.  However, a large part of the reason my posture has declined, which I'm only uncovering tonight,  is because my self confidence has plummeted.   "ahhhh" you say:)

Truth of it all is that I'm still trying to find me....not the young, skinny, selfish me---she's long gone by now.  This new woman I see looking back at me in the mirror is trying to fit into my skinny clothes, hide the wrinkles and handle each moment with grace and humility.  
my sweet T won his first gold medal during the Mini Olympics
held by Promised Land San Marcos...thanks to all who
made that possible!

Life sure has taken a few turns in the last 5 years!

For as long as I can remember I've put so much pressure on myself to be better, to try harder, to do better next time.  So on those days where I've had a difficult "mom day" or didn't accomplish enough in my mind's eye I'd do one of two things: make myself stay up until the house was picked up and I had a better handle on things or go to bed & leave a huge mess and nothing ready for the next day.  I'm not perfect nor will I ever be so I'm laying down such extreme expectations that do NOT honor God.  He made me and He knows I'm not perfect and He loves me anyway.  In fact, the only perfect person to ever walk this earth was Jesus!

Oh by the way....the same revelation that I'm getting tonight is for YOU if you want it.  If it ministers to you then take it, if not, come back to my blog again when I'm talking about art or shopping or something easy like that:) 
and just love me!

This is turning into one of those blogs that's a bit tough to click the publish button....I can feel it as I type.  Some of you may know this already but I tend to type as if I'm talking to you.  In fact, on the "sticky posts" (like this one here) I imagine I'm talking to one of my best friends so I feel safe:)
So here I am, throwing all my funky junk at you...my friends.

So the long & the short of it is that from here on out I will make every effort to stand tall :: stand strong.  I must gain confidence in who I am in Christ!  What His blood paid for.....our freedom....our forgiveness.....our victory..... our prosperity.....our health....our PEACE!  Well there you have it.  I was just going to share my revelation about my posture but it turns out my posture was tied up to my insecurities hidden well beneath the veil of confidence I wore so proudly day in and day out.  

Change is good, I've always loved it and embraced it so why is it so tough right now to get back on that yoga mat & put down the sugar cookies?  You tell me!  What change have you been resisting?  I mean, if I'm gonna open up you could give a little too, right?  Big grin here friends:)

love y'all.

1 comment:

  1. This spoke right to me. Are you my soul sister or what?! I don't even know where to start, except to say DIDO! I want to stand tall again with you:). Thank you for sharing your heart and speaking to mine...the beauty of your openness.


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