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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

What's the Season?

when words just don’t come but you have something to say…surely you’ve been there, my friend.  I’m trying to not bury it, stuff it down or pass it on by this time around.

We’re all going through something, right?  I’m no exception.  I find myself in a tough place.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

growing your light...

 Back in my road warrior days I found myself in a different city and most often a different country sometimes on a weekly basis.  I had to jump on any chance that came along to catch a few winks.  I quickly learned the art of sleeping with ear plugs and a eye pillow....religiously.    I would sleep in darkness and silence literally anywhere.  (If only I could resurrect those two luxurious old friends.)

So when it was time to wake up I would allow just a tiny bit of

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

a dream for your life...a fresh start.

A new year is approaching.  A chance to begin again.  A fresh start.  Will you set a new year’s resolution?  Will you keep it?  I’m not a huge fan of them, myself.  They’re just something we start and never finish; then laugh about it 6 months later as you pass the fitness center eating a donut from the Tipton Bakery.  Just saying.  

Don’t get my wrong…I believe its

Thursday, December 8, 2016

What's hiding in your drawers?

I have a secret candy stash.  I used to call it a chocolate stash until recently when I opened a desk drawer to find lolly pops, skittles, gum and sweet tarts.  Halloween candy remnants.  They’re all over…..the shoe closet, lingerie drawer,  office desk, kitchen cupboards, laundry room and even the garage.

There may be a problem here but I can’t give it a thought now.   

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

laying it all out there...in the pit.

Outside, the sun is shining.  The first snowfall is melting slowly away.  The boys are at school.  Marc is working.  I’ve spent the morning soaking up Bible verses, reading some of Michael J. Fox’s memoir Lucky Man, and researching further this messy business of bipolar depression disorder.   I hate it.  The label, the symptoms, and even the fact that I’m forced to take medication to keep me “level”.  
Truthfully, I miss the high (or manic). 
I got so much done. 
I was more fun. 
I didn’t need sleep and life was certainly more entertaining.  

They say one of the biggest struggles with bipolar folks is continually taking their meds.  I get that.  I would LOVE to get off but last time I ran out of one of my medications for a few days it sent me into a tailspin of sorts.  So, trust me, I get it.    But I wanna scream!!!  I wanna cry for a day and wake up to a better feeling tomorrow.  Bury my head in the proverbial sand.

I certainly DON’T want to open up and share any of this with a soul.  I want to look and feel good and spread joy and hope all the time.  

Thursday, December 1, 2016

transition, even death ... then gratitude

Newly designed, created and installed curtains hung in the large picture window in the kitchen…reward for skipping last night’s sleep. But dang, it looks good!
               Laundry and cleaning day, kids, errands, repair something, make phone calls….and on and on and on.  This was my life

Monday, October 31, 2016

Oh yes I am!

Welcome to my thought filled early evening run.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Shine some light: reach beyond your comfort zone

I have been blessed with several beautiful women in my life.  I mean LOADS!  So I thought I’d feature one today.  Since I have no idea if she’ll like the thought of me writing a blog about her I’ve decided until she approves I will change her name for the purpose of my story.  

So this friend “Lola” has inspired me multiple times since the beginning of our friendship.  I feel like I missed out on a huge opportunity during the short time we were neighbors.  You see I think she was supposed to be my design mentor for a season yet somehow I managed to avoid

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Just one of my heartbreaking stories with a comical twist

Life is good!  I mean really GOOD!  But, on the other hand, it can get pretty ugly.  Did you realize our thoughts have a major impact on the direction and quality of our lives.  Dr. Caroline Leaf has found that  "75% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally."

Twenty Seven times, yesterday alone, I found myself wrestling with negative, self-doubting thoughts.   I'm a mess.  I'm all over the place.  What am I even doing with my life? We've all been there, right?  

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

The Run of our Lives

The chilled wind is blowing. The sun is shining brightly.  The ground is still wet from last night’s rain.  Perfect morning for a little run….well, the pace at which I “run” might be better referred to as a light jog but for my world of happy I’ve decided to say I RUN:)   

Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts while I ran this course.  It reminded me of life.  

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Someone needs YOU!!

Bluer than blue skies speckled with fluffy whites all across the sky....it's my view. Surrounded on 3 sides by corn so big I'm drawing the conclusion it was injected with some growth hormone.
Anyway, the family is taking a wee Sunday snooze while I soak in the sun;

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Coming out of the closet: finally

sit on my white front porch swing; the sound of tractors doing what tractors do in the background; wearing my paint apron while waiting for the end table to finish drying in the garage.  The yard is mowed.  Life is quiet.  Life is slow.  

It’s been ages since my last post and you can only imagine what I’ve been through since then.  Like moving to a cornfield in the middle of Iowa, for one.
 We've been here now 9 months and life couldn't be more different than what we had in Texas.  For one thing, it's light years slower paced than Austin.  The people are genuinely kind and seem to care about each other with no hidden agenda.....refreshing.  We live on a farm and have been enjoying the benefits of rural living. Grandpa is only a few miles down the road so that's a major perk.  We've planted a giant garden as well as the 2000 gladioli bulbs which are now in full bloom....love delivering them all over town with him.

Now that you're pretty well updated on this side of the world......I have a hot topic to address.  I'm not sure how to gracefully go about this but I want to talk about....one subject I never want to ever have to talk about, especially in writing: 

one of the most difficult subjects to wrap words around…..  Remember when we heard about Robin Williams death?  What a shock that was to us all.  Well my dad also committed suicide (a few years back)… and most recently a friend from high school took his life leaving behind 2 little kids.  Not that every case of depression has such a tragic end, but I assure you

its real

its ugly

(Here's the video: https://youtu.be/nBigoN2zMFA

Updated and most raw of them all...watch this video: 

Trying to wrap my mind around clear thinking and articulating this very raw subject....and to what end? How deep shall we go? Should I tell the story? Questions abound.

I was 14. Girls can be mean in middle school.  Degrading insults shot at me like fiery darts and dug deep.  The honest truth is I was quite the ugly duckling....long, lanky, and awkward. To top it all off my step dad had iron clad rules which kept me home, without friends and little activity.  I was miserable.  I would sing that silly song "nobody likes me everybody hates me guess I'll go eat worms." (Salty tears stained my face for many years.) One afternoon I walked home from school sobbing.  Life was dismal and I couldn't see taking another day.   I searched the house high and low for any pills I could find and without hesitation I swallowed every single thing I found. No one would miss me.  In fact they'd be better off.  No more fighting with parents, no more jeering kids from school....no more!  Well who knows how much time had passed when my sister found me lying on the cold bathroom tile.  The doctors pumped my stomach, my mother prayed and I lived to see another bleak day.  

Ugh this is tough.  I don’t want to talk about it....but at some point it has to be done.  I must break out of my box of shame.    I am now on the other side….free!  Maybe now I can help someone move through this yuck. 

There's much more to my story that may or may not come out in random pieces but to sum it up....all throughout my wildlife I rode an emotional roller coaster of drastic ups and debilitating downs.  It wasn't until I was 38 that I was officially diagnosed with Bi-Polar and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to some pretty big n heavy stuff that took place in my past.  At that moment, when those foreign-to-me words came out of my psychiatrist's mouth, I felt like my world crashed in a million pieces all around me.    I had no clue what I was experiencing even had a name.  

Let me briefly describe how bi-polar manifested in my life.  Most of the time I was “manic”, which for me meant that I got a lot done, I slept only a few hours a night, I was the life of the party, always up for adventure and creating memories.    I did NOT stop!!!  I would redecorate the house on an average of about four times a month.  Mostly in the middle of the night while my family slept.  My husband got used to our mannequin, Penelope, moving every few days.  I loved my world relentlessly spinning in all directions. 

The other end of this cycle of madness was the embarrassing side.  It invaded my life far too frequently than I care to admit….I had depression.  I remember days where I simply could not get up from the floor.  Tears stained the front porch where I would sit for hours.  Crying for no apparent reason.   I would bathe only when I absolutely had to and even then it was a struggle.  I would wear a smile for people around me because I hated the negative attention of a frown that and I didn’t want anyone knowing what pain I was in.   Bottom line…..to say I was “down” would’ve been a grave understatement.  I needed a major move of God in my life.  I was chained.    

During one of my lowest weeks I had a friend in church say she got a vision of me prancing through the halls with such a radiant joy all around me.   I sobbed when she told me and my face lost all it’s makeup within minutes.  Sometimes God sends a vision of what's to come and I believe that's what she had. 

Slowly but surely I began to reach out.  I called a few of my prayer warrior friends to pray for me.  As a result of the power of prayer I was able to find the right doctor, who then over a process of several months was able to find the correct dosage of medicine my brain needed in order to level out.  And yes, I do believe God can use doctors, and medicine for that matter, to help people…..don’t you?  
I have a curious question for you:  what if you had diabetes.  Would you be ashamed to walk into a doctor’s office for help for fear of how others would judge you?  Certainly not.  What if your child were born with a heart problem…would you seek medical services? Why, yes you would.  Without a doubt.   Nevertheless I felt shame. 

Now I’m living a peaceful life….free from fear and shame.  Yes I’m occasionally manic and even occasionally down but I know I’m healed and I know from where my help comes from.  My help comes from the Lord.    I will stand on His promises and I am FREE!

If you’re out there and you think you may be experiencing depression….you may even have contemplated suicide.  Life doesn’t end here.  In fact it’s only just beginning.    Reach out.  No longer allow shame or fear to keep you from getting the help you need.  There is help out there and people who honestly care.  However, even the best doctor can never take place of prayer, honey child.  (Enter strange accent)  

Healing comes in many shapes and sizes.  One thing is for sure…..God has a very special plan for your life.  Let God lead you on your special path.  Psalm 32:8 says  "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.”   You never know, yours may be the story the world needs to hear.   It all starts here.

I believe nothing is impossible with God. 

With love, 
Blu Wyatt

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Adventures in Texas :: summertime

How could I possibly bring you on this wild journey with me?   It's an adventure in living.....also known as living decorated:) follow me on a photographic trek through June.
My usual morning run to Stagecoach Park.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Staring 40 in the face

Fear has no hold on me.

I’m looking into this year with great expectancy and anticipation.  More so than any other year in my life.   In this moment of clarity, bravery is my close companion.  Will there be days ahead of insecurities or doubt?  Most likely, but I will face those days with patience and prayer…and a sound mind.   I want to live in each moment fully and optimistically; purposefully making lasting memories.  I wish to decorate each chapter as best I can using what God has graciously and abundantly gifted me.   In doing so I believe some good people will be encouraged to see the beauty in everyday simplicities and ultimately learn to Live Decorated in their own special way.   We’re all on this planet for a purpose and each of us should utilize our gifts to lift each other up and make a difference in the lives of those around us.    
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