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Thursday, December 1, 2016

transition, even death ... then gratitude

Newly designed, created and installed curtains hung in the large picture window in the kitchen…reward for skipping last night’s sleep. But dang, it looks good!
               Laundry and cleaning day, kids, errands, repair something, make phone calls….and on and on and on.  This was my life
… whittling down that giant, seemingly and most likely impossible, to-do list ... endlessly spinning.  Fueled by the desire to do more, be more, live a “more full” life. The more tasks I completed the more I felt justified; worthy even.  Have you ever felt this way? 

I’ve always been the mark-things-off-my-to-do-list, multi-tacker with a DOING addiction.  Since I can remember I’ve always placed a greater worth on myself after those days where hundreds of things were accomplished even if that meant foregoing sleep for the adventure of doing more and more.  
The more I could do, the better I felt.  

Little did I know that I was drowning.  I had lost control.  The spinning got completely out of hand until one day, I fell overboard, and lost all grip of reality.  I reached out for help only be be prescribed a bad drug that took me down a very dangerous path.  NO sleep for 5 days topped off my “crazy” tank and that was all she wrote.   I needed a reawakening of sorts.

That is about when I found the right doctor…with the right medication that leveled me out (more here)… Slowly but surely I was coming back to “normal” until i was blindsided with some heavy stuff….no need to go into details at this point…just know it rocked my entire existence.  In the midst of madness we felt it best to find a change of pace….hence the move to Tiny Town Iowa.   Honestly, this has been the most beautiful, heart warming, peaceful and difficult transition I’ve ever been on.  This journey is uniquely framed by a lovely little farmhouse with vast cornfields as the backdrop.   Stunning!  But its more than just the view I’m in love with.  I’m loving; down to the very detail, every quiet moment, each new friend made, and all the quality memories I’m making with my family.   Priceless.  

I’m learning to just BE.   In this “winter” season I learn to be still.  
Don’t complicate things.  

I’m learning to rest in Him.  

In a sense, I’m going through a death.  Death of… perceptions, expectations, judgments, the constant going….the performer in me.  With this death comes a mourning process.  Not exactly an easy-Sunday-stroll-in-the-park kind of process.  Yet in the midst of this “wilderness”… Hanging in the air … through the silence … you can feel the Presence of God.  Sometimes its tangible.  Sometimes not at all.  There is a valuable life lesson to be learned here: be still.  My Pastor would say "solitude and silence" is the key.  

Another good thing to come of this process: I have been learning to live in this body, with this soul.  Finding out just WHO I am and enjoying the adventure of the learning process.  I’ve discovered I’m unabashedly goofy.  I’m more of a private person than I would’ve guessed.  I love getting a laugh, even at my own expense.   My family is drawing closer together with each passing moment.  Truly we are abundantly blessed. 

Growth, as hard as it can be at times, is necessary for going to that next level.  Change and transition are a very good thing.  Embrace them as they come.  

Now I arrive at the final point I'd like to touch on:  gratitude.  Being thankful no matter what phase or season you’re in right now.  No matter what your circumstances suggest…no matter the emotion, there is always something to be thankful for.  I am honestly thankful for this opportunity to grow and become a better person overall.  I’m even thankful for the challenges that have brought me to this place.  

Psalm 23 is so jam packed with wisdom and truth:
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
He leads me beside quiet waters, 
He restores my soul.
He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. 
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil, for You are with me:
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.
You prepare me a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 
You anoint my head with oil; 
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

There is so much more to learn, do and become but I’m thrilled to be on this path.  Life just gets better from here, friends.  It’s all in how you look at it and I’m choosing to see the world through my gratitude-tinted shades.  

Next up: New Year’s Resolutions….do you have yours set yet?  

Love Y'all,

Blu Wyatt


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